It's My Fault
by Moderndaydrifter
Summary: Bosco's thoughts on the night of the shooting, in the sequence of how it happened on The Truth and Other Lies.


Okay, I SUCK at titles..but anyway..this is a fic that my muse thought up right after the airing of the premiere last night..hope you enjoy..oh yeah..its VERY short too!   
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, all the characters belong to Third Watch and Warner Brothers..I don't take credit for anything though I wish they'd lend me Bosco for awhile! *arches eyebrow* I also don't own the song in this fic, it is "Wake Me Up Inside" by Evanescence..and I take NO credit on it. Please don't sue, you won't get much from me! This is for entertainment purposes only!   
  
Rating: I guess PG-13..  
  
Chapters: One  
  
Summary: This is a one part story told in the point of view of Bosco..his thoughts the night of the shooting..basically in the sequence of what happened in "The Truth and Other Lies."  
  
Spoilers: The Truth and Other Lies  
  
Feedback: Greatly appreciated..it helps the muse!   
  
Gunshots. The gunshots that changed the course of the way I think and feel about my partner Faith. I wasn't worried about Cruz or Noble, I was worried about her. Noble lay almost dead on the floor, but did I go check on him? No. Cruz, I didn't even look at Cruz.   
  
When I saw Faith on the floor, a gunshot wound to her chest, all I could think was that this was my fault. It was my idea for her to come and recover the gun. It was my fault for being the moron that slept with Cruz and was blinded by her incompetence. The guilt I'm feeling right now is unbearable. It's unexplainable. I'll never be able to forgive myself for this happening to her. She was supposed to be working the desk and here she is, shot because of my mistakes and actions.  
  
So now here I sit in the hospital, Swersky staring at me, wanting to know the whole story. I'm ready to tell all. I'm ready to just let it off my chest, though the guilt will still be there no matter what happens. Dade is there, drilling me to lawyer up, but I disregard his words. I don't need a lawyer, what I need is for him to get out of my face.   
  
I let Swersky in on what happened and how it went down, but it still doesn't make me feel better. I didn't expect it to make me feel better. I notice the reaction on his face and he's not happy. Can you blame him? This night should have never happened. I should've seen Cruz and her dirty ways long before and put an end to it when I had the chance. Coulda, shoulda, woulda. Not much I can do about it now I guess.  
  
I want to see Faith. I want to make sure she's okay. Swersky has Sully watch over me as if I'm some criminal. Oh wait, I feel like one. I got my partner shot, that's enough to put me away for life in my opinion. I notice Sully's stare as he makes his way into the room. He has no idea how it went down either, but I have every intention of telling him. I want heartless bitch Cruz exposed. Exposed for all the pain she has caused me.  
  
Luckily I convince him to take me to see Faith. The elevator ride up makes my heart pound and my palms grow cold and clammy. I swallow hard as the doors open, and out in the hallway I see Fred and Emily in a tight embrace, both of them in shock and needing answers. I want to tell Fred about it but I have to talk to Faith first. I see the rage flare from his eyes as he sees Sully and I staring at them.  
  
I know in the back of his mind he wants to tear me to shreds. I can read it by his body language. Fred always had a raging attitude and this should set it off. If I were in his shoes I'd be pissed at me too. I put his wife in harm's way when she didn't need to be.   
  
I look at Emily standing behind him, her eyes full of horror as Fred screams in my face. I tell him not to worry about the situation, that I would take care of it. Why, I said that, I haven't the faintest idea. Everything I try to take care of blows up into a huge mess, and hurts the lives of others that it should have never affected.   
  
I feel his hands grab my shirt, his fists tightening as he slings me around, pushing me into some glass that breaks on impact when the force of my body is shoved against it. If it were any other day I would fight him off of me, but not tonight. I just let him do his job, and take the beating I know I deserve.   
  
My body is quickly shoved to the floor and his fist makes contact with my cheek, sending my hard against the floor once again. I can hear Sully approach and pull him off of me. Good ol' Sully, his cop instincts kicking in. I wish he would've left Fred alone. Yeah, I said that. Leave Fred alone and let him just tear me up; it's all I deserve at the moment.   
  
I stand up slowly, my cheek tingling from his knuckle. I see his cold facial expression towards me and I just stare back, not really sure what to do next. All I can think to do is say sorry, and I did just that as I began to walk away. His voice interrupts my thoughts.  
  
If you come near my family again, I'm going to kill you.  
  
I stop before entering the elevator again. I wish he'd kill me right now. He says it once more and I nod, understanding why he feels this way. I'd be the same way if it were my wife lying in the bed.  
  
Sully and I walk back down to the ER where we go back in my "holding room." The awkward silence tears at both of us, I can tell by the way he is acting. I'm too jittery to even sit down so I pace back and forth. Swersky breaks the silence by telling me to I can leave. Wow, I get to leave.   
  
Sully and Davis offer to take me back to the house and on the way over I sit in silence for the most part. The back of a squad is interesting when all your thoughts lead to you feeling like a criminal. Yeah, this is where I belong, the back of this squad. I no longer deserve the front seat. Not anymore.   
  
Sully tries to convince me that all things aren't just one person's fault. Yeah right, who is he kidding? He's talking to Maurice Boscorelli, the king of all fuck ups. He's worked around me for ten years, he should definitely know better than to say something like that to me.   
  
And then the FBI comes. I'm not sure why, but I really want to talk to them. My nerves are on edge and Sully bitching at them the way he does makes me want to strangle him, but I'm glad he's like that. He's only trying to help me, even though he probably doesn't want others to know that. Maybe the FBI is here to take me away for good, so I don't have to face the people whose lives I've screwed up. Nah, I couldn't be that lucky.  
  
After Sully and Davis are gone, the FBI informs me that Noble was working for them, and Cruz was his handler. This sends me over the edge; Cruz was Noble's handler? She was going to take care of him for the homicide? I really screwed the pooch on this one; her speech about getting things done sure didn't look like an act to me. But that's me; I've never been good about judging people. Yet another fuck up against me, I've got a novel full of them now.  
  
I make my way back to the hospital, I have nowhere else to be. The only thoughts on my mind are Faith. I sit in the waiting room and Mary Procter approaches me. She's a kind face on a day that has been evil to me. She's always been that way, and I'm thankful for it. After she leaves I sit in the quiet, my thoughts overtaking my mind once again.  
  
I think about Fred and his rage. He never did like me, and now I see why. He's right, most of the problems Faith has had are because of me. I'll never understand why she has stuck by my side the ten years of partnership we have shared together. I'm nothing but a curse to her. Yeah, that's how I can describe myself. A God-forsaken curse that can only be taken away if I'm dead.   
  
I close my eyes but images of blood fill my head. I see Cruz's evil look painted across her face as she pulled the trigger that sent Faith here. I see Noble, close to death at my feet.   
  
Deception, something I have encountered so much of lately. I guess I should start looking for another partner if Fred doesn't want me around Faith.   
  
Who will be the ill-fated lucky one that gets placed with me? I pity whoever it is.  
  
I lean my head against the wall behind me and hear the echo of the gunshots that changed the course of the way I feel about my partner, Faith. I've always cared for her but this proves just how much I actually do. I just want this day to be over, and these painful memories and hurtness to go away. I want it to be the way it was before Cruz. I can only hope.  
  
Evanescence  
  
Bring me to Live  
  
How can you see into my eyes  
  
Like open doors?  
  
Lading you down into my core,  
  
Where I've become so numb.   
  
Without a soul,  
  
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold,  
  
Until you find it there and lead it back   
  
Home.   
  
(Wake me up)  
  
Wake me up inside.  
  
(I can't wake up)  
  
Wake me up inside.  
  
(Save me)  
  
Call my name and save me from the dark.  
  
(Wake me up)  
  
Bid my blood to run.  
  
(I can't wake up)  
  
Before I come undone.  
  
(Save me)  
  
Save me from the nothing I've become.  
  
Now that I know what I'm without,  
  
You can't just leave me.  
  
Breathe into me and make me real.  
  
Bring me to life.  
  
(Wake me up)  
  
Wake me up inside.  
  
(I can't wake up)  
  
Wake me up inside.  
  
(Save me)  
  
Call my name and save me from the dark.  
  
(Wake me up)  
  
Bid my blood to run.  
  
(I can't wake up)  
  
Before I come undone.  
  
(Save me)  
  
Save me from the nothing I've become.  
  
Bring me to life.   
  
(I've been living a lie.   
  
There's nothing inside)  
  
Bring me to life.   
  
Frozen inside without your touch,   
  
Without your love, darling.   
  
Only you are the life among the dead.   
  
(All of this sight,  
  
I can't believe I couldn't see   
  
Kept in the dark   
  
but you were there in front of me)  
  
I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems.   
  
I've got to open my eyes to everything.   
  
(Without a thought   
  
Without a voice   
  
Without a soul  
  
Don't let me die here.   
  
There must be something more).   
  
Bring me to life.  
  
(Wake me up)  
  
Wake me up inside.  
  
(I can't wake up)  
  
Wake me up inside.  
  
(Save me)  
  
Call my name and save me from the dark.  
  
(Wake me up)  
  
Bid my blood to run.  
  
(I can't wake up)  
  
Before I come undone.  
  
(Save me)  
  
Save me from the nothing I've become.  
  
Bring me to life.   
  
(I've been living a lie. There's nothing inside)  
  
Bring me to life 


End file.
